President Janeway

Captain Kathryn Janeway is sworn in as the new President of Earth. Some of her critics have pointed out that Janeway was a staunch supporter of Earth remaining in the United Federation of Planets, and they fear that she might ignore the referendum result. In response, Janeway has stated that “out means out” alas, and sorting “this mess” will be her top priority.

The New President

With Crusher out of the race, only Captain Janeway remains, which means she has won by default. It has now been confirmed that Kathryn Janeway will be installed as President of Earth later this week. In a statement to the press, she was reported as saying, “There are three ways of doing things; the right way; the wrong way; or the Janeway.”

Finalist Stands Down

Breaking news! Doctor Crusher has just announced that she is pulling out of the leadership race and will no longer be standing for the position of Earth President. In a statement to the Federation News Service this morning, Crusher stated that at this time of such planet-wide crises, the Earth needs a commander with tried and tested experience. She pointed out that she believes Captain Janeway is the right woman for the job, and has offered her her full support.

Though this new turn of events may seem magnanimous, unofficial sources say that the timing of the announcement has prevented publication of an expose claiming that Crusher has been in an elicit relationship with her Commanding Officer, Captain Picard. Such a story would have destroyed her reputation and her chances of winning. Withdrawing from the race is seen as a tactical move to save face. One critic of Crusher’s has said that her leadership campaign has been “hoisted by her own Picard.”

A Taxing Situation

Despite making it to the final two candidates, Doctor Crusher has still not released her tax returns, despite assurances that she would do so immediately. We have spoken to her accountant on Deep Space 9 who has assured us they will be published shortly, once he has finished tweaking them.

A Mother to her Crew

Captain Janeway has yet to respond to Crusher's remarks, but a source close to her said that as captain of a starship, Janeway is a mother to all of her crew.

Mother Knows Best

Doctor Crusher has caused some controversy by claiming that she would make a better President of Earth than Captain Janeway, because she has a son, whilst Janeway is childless. She said that having children gives one a stake in the future of the planet. In an official statement, Crusher said, "Only a mother can know how uncooperative teenagers can be. A mother must exert her authority by taking away things your children like, such as membership of the United Federation of Planets."

 

Endorsements

Interestingly, the first person to congratulate Doctor Crusher on getting through to the final round was Gul Dukat, leader of the fascist government of Cardassia. This will only add fuel to the criticism of Crusher that she has a penchant for leaning to the far right politically.

The Final Two

This latest result means that the new President of Earth is set to be a female; it will be either Captain Janeway or Doctor Crusher, who now go through to the final round of voting. Janeway said that she was "delighted" by the result and claimed that the amount of votes she received demonstrates that she can "unite" the Earth in a way that her rival can't. Crusher meanwhile has pointed out that despite being a doctor, she has experience of commanding the Enterprise and is ready to "step up" and take command of the Earth.

Unlike previous rounds, the last vote is only open to members of the exclusive 'Earth for Earthlings' club. The final result is due out in a few stardate's time.

Results from the Second Round of Voting

The second round of voting for a new Earth President is now closed. Once again, Captain Janeway topped the poll with the majority of votes. Doctor Crusher came in second with less than half the amount of votes given to Janeway. In third place, meaning he is now eliminated from the race, was Doctor Bashir. Despite being genetically enhanced, the result came as something of a shock to him and he is reported to he "appalled". He had hoped that he would make it down to the final two and believes that he has been the victim of a "feminist conspiracy".

Candidate Pulls Out

Breaking news! Commander Riker, who polled second from the bottom in the first round of voting, has pulled out of the leadership race. He said that he doesn't feel ready to take over the reins of command and prefers to return to his comfort zone as second in command of the Enterprise. Both Riker and Chakotay have now offered their support to Captain Janeway, calling her "gung ho". The second round of voting takes place tomorrow.

Results from the First Round of Voting

The first round of voting in the leadership race is now over. Captain Janeway has polled the highest with a comfortable margin above Doctor Crusher, who came in second. In third place was Doctor Bashir, followed by Commander Riker. As predicted, Chakotay polled the lowest and has been eliminated from the race.

Leaked Comments

Breaking news! Ambassador Spock has been caught on camera by Sky News criticising the presidential candidates. Here's a summary of that he said:

On Janeway - "Kathryn's a bloody difficult woman. But then, I served under Kirk, and she can't be more difficult than that!"

On Crusher - "I heard a rumour that she was screwing her captain, and now she wants to screw up the planet!"

On Riker - "The man can't even hold a conversation without cocking his leg up onto the nearest piece of furniture. Plus, I've never trusted men with beards; not since I met my evil twin from a parallel universe."

On Bashir - "He did us a favour by getting rid of O'Brien. Nobody wanted an Irishman as president."

On Chakotay - "Meh."

Leadership Candidates

The decision for Earth to leave the UFP has caused a leadership battle for the now-vacant position of Earth President. We can now reveal the final candidates who are standing for the position:

Captain Janeway – the most experienced of the candidates, and the bookie’s favourite to win. She would bring gravitas and dignity to the role.

Doctor Crusher – a medic whose only experience of leadership came from a brief stint at Starfleet Medical. She believes that, “as a mother” she knows what is best for the planet.

Commander Riker – a steady choice with proven leadership skills, but critics question why he has spent so long as a First Officer rather than breaking out to take a command of his own.

Doctor Bashir – a genetically enhanced human. It had been reported that his best friend Chief O’Brien was going to stand, but at the last minute Bashir stabbed O’Brien in the back and declared his own candidacy.

Commander Chakotay – the candidate most likely to be voted out first. Though once a promising officer, he abandoned Starfleet to join a group of terrorists. Though he has since been pardoned, this act of defiance is unlikely to endear him to voters.

Expert Opinions

Chief Engineer La Forge reports that the Enterprise's warp core has breached and recommends that they eject it before it destroys the ship. Commander Riker ignores the advice saying that Starfleet has had enough of experts.

Rise in Hate Crime

Since the Earth exit from the UFP, tensions on the Enterprise have risen exponentially. Mr Worf has been told repeatedly that he should "go home". He has pointed out that he was raised on Earth by human parents, but the crew are no longer interested in facts.

Shocked Youth

Wesley was too young to vote, but is horrified by the decision to leave. He says that his mother's generation has thrown away the futures of... the next generation!

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